(I Find It) Hard to Believe

So last night I saw Walz with Bashir in Italian and Ronny was dubbed by amazing Gianni Bersanetti Ludovisi, who many years ago used to dub Mulder in the X-Files. I had the opportunity to meet him a couple of times back then, and believe me, if you don’t look at him while he’s talking to you it’s like listening to Fox Mulder in a slight Roman accent. Anyway, after seeing Walz with Bashir dubbed by Fox Mulder I went to sleep and dreamt about the time I was living with other students in a big flat during university, and my evil ex-boyfriend (if you know what I mean) came around, which made sense because it was the year X-files premiered in Italy, and I was kind of glad to meet him in a dream after all this time (when you’re taking Singular you sometimes are aware that you’re dreaming while you dream), but then a huuuge caterpillar appeared on the door of my room and started running, and other insects were flying around, and me and my evil ex-boyfriend and the other student were trying to kill them but couldn’t, and it was so frustrating, and I was thinking oh I could as well wake up and go to work. But in the office there was drama awaiting, and the drama was about a colleague who is currently in Washington DC, so it all mixed up in my mind, Gianni Bersanetti Ludovisi and Fox Mulder and my evil ex-boyfriend and huuge insects in Washington DC together with the independent itinerary I’m trying to preapare for my August trip to the Hawaii, and so this image suddenly came to mind.

This is Mulder and Scully happy together in the rowboat, after the ending credits of X-Files IWTB, one of the worst movies ever, scoring 23% in the top critics Tomatometer and 6% in my personal Tomatometer. As silly as this image is, I have to confess I was so happy my mind decided to present it to me in time of distress, so reassuring.

Fact is, when I first saw Blade Runner, back in the Eighties, I loved it immediately. The ending was kind of weird, granted, I was never a fan of the American happy ending, not even during elementary school. But Blade Runner had no happy ending to me, because Roy died. Who cared about Deckard and his permed girlfriend after all? Not me for sure.  So when my evil ex-boyfriend suggested going to the cinema to see the director’s cut one night of winter 1993, I just said ok. I was expecting the see a remastered Roy, nothing more that. But the director’s cut came out with such a powerful ending, I remained speechless for hours, trying to absorb the idea the Deckard maybe being a replicant, maybe not, the distinction having become so thin in the postmodern era. I started to care about Deckard too, and by the time my evil ex-boyfriend had become evil and ex, my head was full of curls.

So my story involves accepting a stupid ending as a child, getting rid of it once turned of age to find a perfect ending, only to be stranded (literally) with another stupid ending as a thirty-something, and finding myself content with it.

My house is full of origami cranes, for Japan. Maybe it’s time to try the unicorn.

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