You normally get first class customer care in the US, compared to Europe and especially Italy, with the occasional exception.

Garnant – Hi, I would like a wetsuit for the day
Twenty-something girl – Sure. Which size?
Garnant – 8?
Twenty-something girl – Hahahaha you must be a 15
Garnant – I was an 8 yesterday [and they wanted to get me into a 6]
Twenty-something girl – Here?
Garnant – No, somewhere else [where I’ll make sure to be tomorrow, somewhere else]
Twenty-something girl – Mh

She hands me a 7 and it’s way too small

Twenty-something girl – See? I told you so.
Garnant – … [I don’t hate you only because hating is bad for my karma]

She gives me a 13 and it’s huge. She calls a fifty-something guy. They talk in a dark corner in a strangely serious tone, like I’m asking for something illegal.

Now, I have the most average body a woman can have, kind of small but with large hips and some boobs. There are 2 billion women on planet Earth with the same body type, not to mention the female humanoid aliens on other class-M planets.

There must be a size for us, surely. How is it called now? Curvy?

The fifty-something guy produces a sandy 11 from somewhere. It’s a bit large, but I’m tired of struggling with neoprene and the water is not very cold anyway so a bit large wetsuit will do. While I zip it up, I notice the following letters printed in big letters on the inside:


Well, I am a lot of things, but I’m certainly not junior. And even when I was junior, I had the same large hips, which I’m sure were not on the mind of the well-meaning person who invented US junior sizes in the first place (my bad, I should have noticed the odd sizes).

Fifty-something guy is back.

Fifty-something guy – That’s perfect for you honey
Garnant – No, it’s large and I’m not junior [and I’m not remotely honey]
Fifty-something guy – Do a couple of squats and it won’t feel tight anymore
Garnant – …

So I was wondering, where are the curvy wetsuits? Do they even exist? They don’t, apparently. Is that because curvy women don’t like water sports? Some do, actually. And consider the alien market. Just an idea.